I never thought that on my birthday you would personally call and wish me a happy birthday. Okay I did. But I wish you would stop caring about me so much. It’s so hard to move on when I have to hear your voice and think of you. I care so much about what happens to you. You have always left decisions up to me. And up until now I have been able to carry them out. 

You noticed that I am in Akron and doing things with my family and new friends and keeping busy. And you know I do it to get over you. You know I need something else preoccupying my mind at all times. It seems as if I cannot stay away and other times it has been easy. I need you to please stop talking to me. Leave me alone if you possibly can until I can see you as what we both need. JUST a best friend. That’s what we were, then we wanted to be together.

Wrong timing, wrong timing. If I was ready you probably would have realized later down the line that you didn’t want a relationship. You say that’s not it, but I can guarantee it is. You think I would have changed my mind like I do with everything else in life. But I only change it because I’m not sure to begin with. Once I was sure I was in love with you and wanted to be with you, then it would have stayed that way forever until you became a different person or left me. 

I will always love you and you will always hold a place in my heart. But it’s obvious we can never work out. I hope one day I can see you and hang out with you and only feel for you as a friend. But I’m afraid that as long as you are in the world I cannot be around. With us, we get crazy when we’re around each other. We tried only being friends and it fails every time. What makes you think we can try to be friends again? It may have to be all or nothing. Since it can’t be all, there’s only one option left.

I am trying my hardest to get over you. I stopped looking at your Facebook, stopped talking to you, started trying to talk to other guys just to lose my feelings for you. And then I looked at your Facebook again, texted you, answered your calls, and forgot about those guys. Not completely though.

God is helping my progress. One day I will help thousands of broken-hearted women. A prophet told me when I was a little child. I would be a minister and help the broken-hearted. I am such a hopeless romantic and I learn from my heartbreak very well. God didn’t intend for me to get hurt but he is using this experience so one day I can help other women. As long as I stay in church, put God in my heart instead and keep looking forward to my future, I WILL get over you. I’m not accepting anything less.

I’m sorry this has to be this way. But you have already moved on and you so bluntly told me you stopped liking me and didn’t want to be with me. So that will help me get over you. This pain in my heart from losing love is being replaced with God’s never ending love. And my thoughts of a future with you are being replaced with thoughts of a future in Him. It truly is the only way to be happy. I hope you realize that one day. I will keep praying for you and giving you guidance. I will try my hardest because I care that much. I’m glad I am still very important in your life. I really do love you.

Love, Bee.